


Fair... Maiden?

by 80sGayTrashGoblin



Series: Goblin's DotU Verse [5]
Category: Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: Allura hates her dress, Attempted Poisoning, Crack Treated Seriously, Drinking, Gen, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M, Pidge is a gremlin, Politics, Relatable Haggar, Threats of Violence, accurate depiction of texting, i'm laughing at myself as i write this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/pseuds/80sGayTrashGoblin
Summary: Ever since Voltron resurged and Arus started rebuilding, things have gotten strained in the Galra Kingdom. With more and more of the Drule Kingdoms cutting ties because they saw the war on Arus as a waste of resources, money has become scarce, and King Zarkon has started demanding that Haggar meet a robeast quota. So when a politician on Arus wants to buy a very rare and very expensive poison from her, Haggar doesn't hesitate to accept the deal. After all, who cares where the money came from, and it takes care of two birds with one stone.Or in other words: a botched poisoning attempt turns Keith into a girl. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron), one-sided Allura/Keith (Voltron)
Series: Goblin's DotU Verse [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166207
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

It was a gorgeous evening on planet Arus. Clear skies, full moon, twinkling stars. Which meant nothing was going to go right. And frankly, that was great news for Haggar. Bad things happening on Arus meant better business for her, which meant more funding for her projects. 

Speaking of business, the buyer was late. The whole reason she was here was because someone on Arus wanted to buy a poison off of her. Payed a lot of coin too, which was the only reason that she was here in person. (Definitely the only reason. Not because she was avoiding King Zarkon demanding her to meet her monthly quota of robeasts. Definitely not.)

Haggar spotted a holobike coming into view, so she put her phone away and leaned on her cane in as menacingly a position as she could possibly hope for. The person was dressed very nicely and spiffily, not unlike some of the higher up Drule. But he was very distinctly Arusian. 

“You must be Haggar,” the dignitary said, getting off of the bike. “I didn’t expect you to come out in person.” 

“I didn’t either,” Haggar sighed. “But King Zarkon has relocated all my assistants to the war against Arus.”

The dignitary nodded in understanding. “Princess Allura still hasn’t allocated the funds needed to repair my castle. That’s where I live!” 

This time Haggar nodded in understanding. “Fair enough. Give me the money first.” 

“How do I know you’re not going to just take the money and run?” 

“How do  _ I _ know you’re not just going to take the poison and run? I had to put my own blood into this damn vial, you know. I also had to put in Gryzak scales. Do you know how expensive Gryzak scales are nowadays? And don’t get me started on how much it is for alligator teeth-” 

“Alright, alright, I get it!” The dignitary raised his hands up, then tossed over a thin card. “That card has the money on it.” 

Haggar nodded, then shuffled over, delicately handing over the vial of poison. “You know how to use this, right? Half the vial for a very sick dose, the whole vial for a lethal dose, sprinkled over food. If they find a miracle cure, or something like that, you aren’t getting a refund.” 

“A miracle cure?” The dignitary raised an eyebrow at that.

“Look, weirder things have happened. Lotor’s alive, after all.” 

He snorted, then looked at his watch. “Well, I’ve got to go. It’s been a pleasure.” 

Haggar nodded, turning on her heel as the holobike sputtered off behind her. She picked her way through the forest, specially chosen so that no one could trace it back to her ship in the clearing. 

She started going through the items in her ship, making sure that no one had gone through and stolen anything. When she had finished organizing her potions, she noticed an odd gap in the potion that Prince Lotor requested, but she figured that she could shrug it off as Zarkon blocking him from having it.

“Aha!” Haggar picked up another vial, having rolled under the desk. It probably fell off when the ship experienced turbulence upon landing. But the vial was folded over-

“Oh shit.” This is a bottle of Crimson Venom. But Lotor’s potion was still missing- oh.

“Well, I guess one of the pilots is going to turn into a girl.” 

Keith sighed, pulling his tie tighter around his neck. The Voltron medal was already pinned to his jacket, with a snarling lion in gold and a black and gold ribbon. Following that theme, he had pulled out his old black tuxedo and white collared shirt, and he unearthed a red and gold plaid tie that was originally marketed as a Gryffindor tie (he had a Harry Potter phase in his youth, don’t ask). His hair was pulled back into a low pony, already brushed through and silky smooth.

“Are you just going to fiddle with your tie the entire time?” Lance asked from their room. “I promise you, you’re probably fine.” 

Keith rolled his eyes, knowing his boyfriend was probably right, before walking into the bedroom. “I’m just double check- Lance!” 

“What?” Lance had the audacity to raise an eyebrow. His jacket wasn’t buttoned, his tie wasn’t tied, and his hair was messy (it was still hot, but it wasn’t professional, and Lance didn’t need to be hot right now, he needed to be professional, damn it).

“You know what.” Keith strode over, quickly buttoning up his jacket and pinning his medal onto his jacket with practiced hands. The medal matched Keith’s, only a red and gold ribbon instead of a black and gold one. And the tie.

“Really?” Keith held up the blue and silver tie, the Ravenclaw tie out of the set of Harry Potter ties. 

“What?” Lance rolled his eyes. “I’m blue, you’re red. I don’t see a problem with it.” 

“Foreign dignitaries, Lance. I’m in the black lion, you’re in the red lion. If we’re wearing red and blue ties, that’s gonna confuse them.” 

“You have the Gryffindor tie!” 

“It goes well with the gold! That’s silver!” 

“But it’s also red! Give me the tie.” 

“Then what am I going to have?” 

“Go get one of Sven’s ties.” 

Keith leveled a glare at Lance. “I’m not going to go through my injured best friend’s room to look for a tie.” 

Keith ended up with one of Sven’s black and silver ties. With Lance’s hair successfully wrangled, and wearing Keith’s tie, they both managed to make it to the lounge, where the other three were patiently waiting. 

“I hate this dress,” Allura huffed, ruffling the skirts of the pink dress she wore when they initially arrived at the castle. “Can hardly move in this thing.” 

Hunk patted her shoulder. “Can you at least reach the knife strapped to your shin?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“Wait a minute,” Keith blinked a couple of times, trying to comprehend what he was seeing. While Hunk matched the two of them (black tux, yellow and black tie, yellow and gold lion medal), Pidge was wearing a gaudy green suit, with the Voltron medal converted to a bow tie. “Pidge, what the fuck are you wearing?” 

“What do you mean?” He asked with the cheekiest grin. 

“You know exactly what I mean.” 

The two of them stared at each other, not moving, before Lance placed his hands on Keith’s shoulders. “Keith, just let it go.”

“In his defense,” Hunk cut off Keith before he was going to say anything. “Shortie is now bright green, so we won’t lose him as quickly in a crowd.” 

“Thank you, but also fuck you.” 

“Stay classy.” 

Keith had his face buried into his hands by now, before throwing them into the air. “You know what, fine. Fine. I’ve stopped questioning these things by now. Everyone has their lion keys on them, right?” 

Pidge, ever full of surprises, pulled his out of his hair. Everyone else pulled them out of their jacket pockets, and Allura pulled hers from her dress. “What?” She asked, when the others looked at her. “This dress doesn’t have any pockets. The safest place is right next to my boob.” 

Keith sighed, grabbing Lance’s arm and dragging him towards the ballroom before the conversation could continue.

Keith migrated over to the table, after getting his mandatory dance with Allura done. He never had romantic feelings for Allura, but she thought she did for him. A very awkward kiss on the hilltop dispelled all of her illusions though, and now they just dance to keep up appearances on the outside. 

Regardless, Keith is by the buffet plate and snacking on very fancy cheeses. He was listening to the classical music of the band and letting himself zone out for a little bit, as because he wasn’t by Allura’s side, the other dignitaries weren’t interested in him as a pilot of the lion. 

Because they dance together, they look like they could possibly be a couple, and that makes a lot of dignitaries kiss up to him in an attempt to kiss up to Allura. Otherwise, they don’t really care about the lion pilots. And Lance might claim that it’s unfair to them, because they do all this work without acknowledgement, but Keith thinks of it as a boon thus far. It’s far better to be ignored at the side of the party than to be swarmed like Allura is. 

Keith was pulled from his thoughts by a dignitary walking over to him. “Til’quix, ilooree.”

“Til’quix, Yort Libaree.” He bowed his head a little, pouring himself a glass of wine, then looking at a bottle that caught his eye. “A Feoma Adamado? These are from before the Drule attack. The original creator died, so this may very well be the last one left.” 

“Very interesting,” Keith responded, subtly shifting over. “This one was bottled a year after the attack.” 

“Well,” the dignitary uncorked the bottle, pouring it out into Keith’s glass. “As the lead hero here, you should have the honor of the first taste.” 

Keith smiled. “If you insist.” He took a sip, wrinkling his nose slightly at the taste. It had the slightly nutty taste to it, but the more off putting taste was the undertaste of sugar. 

“Are you sure this is an Adamado?” Keith asked. “There’s a strange sugar undertaste to it.” 

“That’s… odd.” The dignitary looked at his drink suspiciously, then put it down. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Keith looked over at the dignitary strangely. “Why do you ask?” 

“You just look a little pale, is all.”

“Oh.” Keith pushed off from where he was slightly leaning on the table. “I’m sure I just need some fresh air, is all.” 

The dignitary nodded as he walked away, but what Keith missed was the disappointed look on his face. 

Keith stood on the balcony, looking out onto the Arusian landscape. He was still swirling the weird glass of wine in his hands, drinking it. He figured that if he didn’t pass out from the first sip, it shouldn’t be that bad for him. 

Somewhere, somehow, he was sure that his mother was shaking his head at him. 

His eyes were covered suddenly, and Keith yelped, before turning around to just find Lance. “Jesus, Lance,” he huffed, trying to act annoyed. “You’re going to give me a heart attack.” 

Lance rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Keith’s waist. Keith checked real quickly to make sure the doors were closed, before pecking a quick kiss to Lance’s cheek. While Lance did a mental reboot, Keith laughed, wiggling his way out of Lance’s arms. Putting his now empty wine glass on a table, he grabbed Lance’s hands and dragged him to the middle of the balcony. “You good now?” 

“I- yeah. Yeah.” Lance wrapped an arm around Keith’s waist, and he responded by placing an arm on Lance’s shoulder. Some of the music from the ballroom could be heard, so they gently swayed to it, leaning into each other. 

“Keith, you feel a little cold,” Lance muttered, looking into Keith’s eyes. “You feeling okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Keith chuckled. “Although I might need someone to warm me up tonight.” 

“Did you just?” Lance just had to blink a couple of times, and Keith exaggeratedly winked, making them both burst into giggles. 

“Did you become a light weight on me?” Lance asked, pulling Keith into a dip. 

“No,” Keith chuckled in response, pulling himself up and pressing his nose gently to Lance’s. “I would’ve been having an existential crisis by now. No, I’m just a little braver currently.” 

“So you’re tipsy.” 

“Yep.” Keith punctuated the moment by pressing a kiss to Lance’s lips. Now both of Lance’s hands were at Keith’s waist, and both of Keith’s hands were in Lance’s hair, and now they were both messy. 

They pulled apart, and Keith dragged them out of view. “How many drinks have you had?” Lance asked. 

“Why do you ask?” Keith asked cheekily, as if he didn’t know exactly why he was concerned. 

“We are at a formal event, and we are about to make out on the balcony right outside,” Lance muttered, concern thick in his voice. 

“I just had a glass of wine.”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re acting very tipsy, and you’re cold, after one glass of wine?” 

“Yep.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Yep.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yes.” 

Lance sighed, and Keith used that opportunity to press another kiss to Lance’s lips. This one was shorter, and it ended up with Keith’s back against the wall.

“Alright, alright,” Keith smiled, gently pressing his forehead against Lance’s. “How about this. We fuck tonight, and if something’s still wrong tomorrow, you can take me to Doctor Gorma.” 

Lance rolled his eyes. “I forgot how horny you are when you’re drunk. But alright. Let’s figure out how to get out of here.” 

Keith pecked a kiss to the other’s cheek. “I’m not going to be any help whatsoever.”

Lance sighed. “I know.” 

Lance sighed in bed, cuddling up to the warm presence next to him. He remembered last night, how he had to smuggle both him and Keith back into the castle and into their rooms, how Keith’s hands managed to deftly pull off his tux even though he was drunk, how pleasant it all was. Lance snorted quietly; he’s getting sappy now. Although, it’s strange how he hasn’t heard his alarm go off. And why does Keith feel strange?

He opened his eyes, and the first thing he registered was that there was a very slender arm around his waist. The second was that there were two things pressing against his chest that should definitely not have been there.

Lance shrieked, toppling out of bed butt-naked. The lady now in his bed, who looked eerily like Keith, shook herself awake, looking at Lance strangely. “Lance? You okay?” 

“Who are you and where is Keith?!” 

“What do you mean? It’s me…” The lady’s face dawned in some sort of realization as she touched her chest. 

“Oh shit.” 

“Keith?!” 


	2. Chapter 2

Keith sighed, trying to get something he could wear. His pants don’t fit, his shirts are way too big (and unfortunately he was cursed with some very large breasts), and Lance making snarky comments was not helpful. 

“If you’re going to be here, can you at least help?” Keith snapped, as he tried to keep his pants up with a clip. Lance’s eyes widened, and he snapped his mouth shut before he could say whatever he was going to say. 

When the pants inevitably fell down to his ankles, he shouted in frustration and flopped face down onto the bed. 

“Do you need any help?” Lance asked, very timidly, which was unlike how he normally asks. Unfortunately, he didn’t care about that right now.

“Lance, I will break all of your fingers if you touch me right now.” 

There was a moment of silence. “I’m, uh, I’m just gonna go get Allura,” Lance said, as he slowly backed out of the room. “I’ll bring you some coffee as well!” 

As he shut the door behind him, Keith just sighed. He wiggled his way under the covers. He’s not dealing with this until he has his coffee.

* * *

“Look, you’ll understand when you see him,” Lance muttered, which did not help Allura in the slightest. Which she said. Lance just shrugged and opened the door. 

Keith really was a girl. He- or she now, was curled under the blankets miserably, but the outline of a really curvy girl was still there. Which was mind-boggling. Her best friend was now a girl. 

“Keith-” 

“I’m not doing anything without coffee.” Keith cut Lance off from where she was under the bed. Her voice was higher pitched, but was still silky smooth and low. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got your coffee!” Lance’s voice cracked at the end there. Allura did not know what happened to make Lance afraid for his life, and quite frankly didn’t want to know. 

Lance scooted over very slowly, offering the mug of coffee. It was snatched by Keith, and she sat up, apparently not very cautious about where the blanket was. Allura could not tear her eyes away from her… chest, as Keith downed the coffee in one gulp. 

“Um, Keith, your blanket?” Allura asked nervously. “It’s, uh.” She gestured to her chest. 

Her eyes widened, and she grabbed it and pulled it over her. “Do you have clothes I can borrow?” 

“Yeah, I brought this,” Allura dropped the duffle bag onto the bed. “It’s a lot of different options. You want some help-?”

“No.” 

“Oh-Okay.” Allura started dragging Lance out of the room. “Just let me know if you need anything!” A grumble was the only response. 

A few minutes later, Keith came out. She was wearing a simple red blouse with white leggings. On Allura, the outfit always looked quite silly, but Keith managed to pull it off really well. Allura wasn’t jealous, per say, but rather impressed? Yeah, that was what that was. 

“Keith, you look really pretty!” Allura gasped, before she mentally smacked herself and inched a little bit behind Lance.

Keith growled, grabbing her coffee and stomping past them. “I’m going to go have my coffee, and then I’m going to go workout.”

“You need someone to spot for you!” Lance suggested, trying not to let his now-girlfriend get hurt. 

“I will be fine,” Keith muttered into her coffee, dropping the empty mug into Lance’s hands. As she stormed off, the two of them looked at each other. 

“I’ll go after him,” Allura said. “I’m pretty sure he-she- Keith’s less likely to kill me.”

Lance nodded. “If you don’t text me in five minutes I’m assuming you're dead.” 

“Fair enough.” 

* * *

Allura found Keith in the gym, curled up on her side and eyes shut tight. 

“Keith?” Allura knelt beside her, shaking her gently. “You okay?” 

“I’m dying,” Keith moaned, curling up tighter. 

“Oh.” That was not the answer Allura expected. “Well, where do you hurt?” 

Keith glared at her, a look that said ‘Where do you think?’

“Um, I’ll be right back.” Allura stood up, trying to remember where the painkillers were in the infirmary. “Don’t move.” 

She darted through the castle corridors, somehow managing to slip into the med bay unseen, grab what she needed, and slip out. Going back to the gym and seeing that Keith hadn’t moved, she managed to also grab her and move them back to Allura’s room. (Somehow. Don’t ask her, she doesn’t know how she did it either.)

“Just, lay there, and press this to where you’re cramping.” Allura passed Keith the heating pad, plugging it into the wall, and pouring a glass of water. “Take this, it’ll help with the pain.” 

Keith dutifully took the pill, settling herself back onto the bed. She nibbled on a piece of chocolate that Allura had passed her, and Allura laid down on the bed, pulling out her phone. 

**Dumbass Uno:** hey lura  
 **Dumbass Uno:** still alive?  
 **Princess:** ye  
 **Dumbass Dos:** y wouldnt she be?  
 **Dumbass Uno:** uhhh  
 **Goblin:** alright wtf did yall do  
 **Dumbass Dos:** i was about to ask u  
 **Goblin:** rude  
 **Dumbass Uno:** theres no easy way to say this and i dont wanna get murdered  
 **Dumbass Uno:** lura where r u  
 **Princess:** in my room w keith  
 **Keith Cocaine:** heard yall were talking shit about me

Allura jumped, turning around to see Keith on her phone. She glared at Allura, pressing the heating pad to her stomach. 

“It’s nothing bad, I promise!” Allura said. “It’s just that Hunk and Pidge have no idea about the situation, and I promised Lance that I would text him to make sure that I was still alive.” 

“What, did you think I was gonna kill you?” 

… “Maybe.” At Keith’s glare, she said, “You did threaten to break Lance’s fingers earlier!” 

Keith sighed, dropping her head back on the pillow. “You’re right.” 

There was a moment of silence, before Allura asked, “Are you feeling better at least?” 

“Yeah. I’m not in as much pain.” 

“That’s good. You should get some rest, I’ll tell the others what’s going on.” 

Keith sighed again. “Let me know if anything happens.” 

“Of course.” 

* * *

Keith pulled out his phone, buried under covers and a heating pad pressed to his stomach. He was in less pain than he was in the gym, but he still couldn’t move.

**Dumbass Dos:** keith u good my dude  
 **Keith Cocaine:** well im not dying anymore  
 **Dumbass Uno:** keiths grammar isnt correct thats how we know hes dyin  
 **Princess:** guys we should focus on turning keith back to normal  
 **Keith Cocaine:** i agree with lura  
 **Goblin:** but why would we this is fucking hilarious  
 **Keith Cocaine:** i will kill you  
 **Princess:** keith we dont threaten murder  
 **Goblin:** yeah if anyone here could pull off a murder itd be me  
 **Goblin:** in fact i have  
 **Princess:** what the Actual Fuck  
 **Dumbass Dos:**

Keith rolled his eyes, putting his phone down. Apparently being on his period meant that he was more irritable, so he should probably avoid threatening to kill his teammates. Well, any more than normal at least. 

He was in a lot of pain, but he was frustrated about not being able to do anything. He was sitting on Allura’s bed, useless, because he was in pain. He could get shot and keep moving, but no, his body is now a girl’s body and decided it wanted to have a period. 

Of course, as he was dutifully self reflecting and resting, and debating pulling out his phone to do paperwork on his phone, the battle alarms go off. 

“For fucks sake!” 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * ["Keith Gets a Sex Change"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235275) by [Queenscene2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenscene2/pseuds/Queenscene2)




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